Caged Fears: "The Devlin Shoe"

My reality is that pregnancy has been a roller coaster. I have days when I’m super excited and energetic, and others when I’m scared and overwhelmed. I laugh more often, but cry more than usual (often in silence). I doze off staring at my belly movements and find comfort in Kalea’s kicks when I’m not feeling like myself. I’m excited to be a mother and pour out love to my little one! And I’m also praying constantly that I will be able to do this properly despite my doubts in my ability to. I find that honesty and admitting that I don’t know what I’m doing or how things will turn out is the most therapeutic thing I can do, while taking all my worries to God in prayer…

The above is a Facebook post from June 14th, 2016. I wrote it during a time of reflection, and now that I read it over again, I realize that so many of us are “roller coasting” through life right now. Yet we’ve become experts at hiding our fears and insecurities behind a comfortable mask of temporary smiles and laughs. We love to look so well put together, and rightfully so! I mean - let’s be honest - who wants to be around anyone whose life appears to be a hot mess?! The last thing any of us wants to do is deal with someone else’s issues when we’ve got our own baggage to carry and mask.  

But, it really make me wonder: Have we become so comfortable with our fears that we now lie peacefully with them at night? Have they been “normalized” in our minds to the point where fighting them seems absurd?

Just think about your current situation for a minute. Picture that “thing” you want to go after and pursue in life - whatever it is...

Now, think about the million and one reasons why you haven’t gone after it wholeheartedly. What is stopping you from moving forward? What are you worried about or afraid of?

The times I’ve put something on hold is because I’m afraid of failure, rejection, and/or my ability to do the thing I’m going after. There are many instances in my past where I made these fears my truths, and I wasted time and opportunities I had to accomplish some of my goals. I blamed people and circumstances for the reasons why I never followed through. But the reality is that all along it was my choice to make peace with my fears and give up on the goals I had set at the time.

Now that I’m older and more mature, I’m committed to fighting my fears and not allowing them to dictate the life I want to pursue. And I challenge you to do the same thing! Stop shaking hands with whatever has been holding you back from moving forward. Instead, find the courage deep within to face it and fight it. Be honest with yourself. Don’t be afraid to take off your mask and take a hard look in the mirror. You’ll find that honesty is therapeutic and will help you face your fears head on. After all, you deserve the opportunity of knowing what your life could be like if you choose to live it without the limitation of your fears!

Each post is named after a pair of "fictitious" (for now) shoes. For this post, I chose the name "Devlin," which means “brave" and "fierce."