It's Not You, It's Me: "The Munga Shoe"

Applause. Cheers. Everyone stands as Sergio makes his way to the stage.

“I hope he’s good,” Pam leans in to whisper as we clap with the crowd. I nod in agreement.

As he takes the mic, there is a poise and confidence about his demeanor that is appealing. He begins to speak and the crowd is captivated by his charisma. The passion behind his words are felt throughout the entire room.

5 minutes...15 minutes...30 minutes come and go, and I have lost all sense of time.

As the message comes to a close, I lean over to tell Pam, “He’s definitely the guy for our next conference. Make sure to get his booking info before we leave.”

Pam and I stand near the exit as people are making their way out of the venue. Sergio is talking to one of the event coordinators not too far away. As he makes his way towards the exit, I nudge Pam to signal her to approach him. Instead of doing as I asked, she stops him saying, “Hi Sergio! I have someone here who wants to meet you!” Really, Pam?! I give her the “I’m going to kill you” look as I make my way over.

“Franchesca, right?” he says with a grin from ear to ear. I flinch nervously and give him an awkward stare.

I begin asking, “How did you know my--”

“I asked one of the ushers earlier when I saw you.”

“Oh…” I smile shyly as I look over at Pam in the corner, who is giving me a thumbs-up.

“Well, I’m organizing a conference and I’d like to see what your availability is like. We’d love to have you speak.”

He calls his assistant over as he responds, “And I’d love to be there. Give my assistant the date and time, please.”

“I will, thank you!” I smile. I put out my hand for a handshake, but he reaches over to hug me instead. He kisses my cheek and says, “Looking forward to seeing you again.”

I freeze as he walks away and in the distant I can hear Pam: “Fran?...Fran?...Earth to Franchesca!!”

I get the question all the time: How did you know Sergio was the one? This post is not sufficient to give you an answer; however, if I had to break my answer down into steps, the first one would be this: I was ready!

You’re already thinking, “What does that mean?!” I’m glad you asked ;)

I know way too many people in relationships who are not happy. I also know many people who are in and out of relationships constantly looking for the right one. My advice to them is simple: Hold off on dating and work on yourself.

It’s hard to know whether someone is right for you if you don’t know what you need. And I’m not referring to the physical attraction and butterflies. It’s a no-brainer we all want that. I’m talking about compatibility - that Bonnie & Clyde, Peanut Butter & Jelly, Bed & Breakfast type of compatible relationship. In order to have that, it’s important for you to know who you are, what you stand for, and what you’re striving for in life. When you’ve got those things defined, it’s so much easier (and I mean A LOT easier) to dismiss anyone who isn’t compatible with you.

So the question you need to ask yourself is this (as hard as it is): Would you want to be with you right now? If you met yourself today, what would you think about you? Do you have a vision for your life or are you just going through the motions? What uncompromising values do you hold? Are you a person of character or are you usually the one people can’t rely on? Do you love who you are right now and who you’re becoming? Be true to yourself when answering the questions. If you aren’t satisfied with your answers, then you should keep working on yourself before jumping into another relationship and expecting different results. No matter how perfect the next person who comes along is, if you’re not ready, you risk ruining a good thing.

Once you know where you stand, you’ll know when the right person comes along to compliment you. They share your values; they have goals they are striving to accomplish in life; they aren’t intimidated by your ambitions; and you are both moving in the same direction. If that’s not the case, then don’t waste your time trying to make something work that has no future. Also, don't waste energy trying to fix or change someone to your liking - it’ll only be a temporary fix and the happiness won’t last long. No relationship should be a project. It’s a partnership. But, I’ll leave that topic for the next post :)

Each post is named after a fictitious pair of shoes. This post is named after "Munga," meaning "dearest friend, partner."