All My Single Ladies! : "The Valentino Shoe"

“I’m never going to get married. I’m just going to be a loner for the rest of my life,” she says.

I roll my eyes and respond, “Are you serious? Stop talking like that, Ashley.”

“What? It’s true! No one wants me! This is my sixth Valentine alone,” she says as she turns away in frustration.

“Well, no one is going to want you when you’re throwing pity parties all the time,” I reply.

She sighs her lonely sigh. “I’m just tired of waiting.”

I look at the sorrow on her face and I can tell she sincerely feels rejected.

I respond, “Instead of focusing on the time that’s passing, why don’t you work on living life to the fullest?”

She looks at me, then turns away.

I continue, “You can learn a whole lot about yourself when others aren’t around to cloud your judgement.”

She quickly interjects, “It’s not the same. The experience is not the same.”

“Ashley, listen to me. The experience can be just as gratifying if you allow it to be. All you’re doing is focusing on negative aspects of your situation. Take a moment to consider all the positives. Heck, you have no one to answer to right now in your life! You’re a free agent!”

We both start laughing. “Well, that’s true!” she comments.

I smile at her and touch her shoulder, “It’s time to live, girl. Others would trade anything to have this moment back. You have it. Take advantage of it!”


If there’s anything I learned from my single days it’s that singleness is the perfect season to discover and learn to love yourself. I say this all the time, but I cannot emphasize it enough: you will not be able to fully and wholeheartedly love another unless you have learned to love yourself.

Dating, breakups, and makeups tend to bring out a filtered version of ourselves because we are constantly worried about being accepted or rejected. On the flip side, when we are single we have an “I don’t give a ____” attitude which somehow triggers us to be bolder, more outspoken, and carefree.

I have to make a key point here: being single is NOT the same thing as being lonely. You can be single and fully enjoy life. That doesn’t mean that there will never be moments you don’t feel alone or wish someone was with you to share an experience. However, lonely people tend to throw endless pity parties about how they will forever be alone and seem to always wake up on the wrong side of the bed. On the other end, those who take advantage of their singleness live it out to the fullest, understanding that every opportunity can be a learning and maturing experience.

Singleness allows us to truly evaluate and challenge who we are and who we are called to be for ourselves and for others. It’s a perfect time to fall in love with all our quirks, embrace our flaws, and focus on our strengths. It provides us with the perfect moments to discover new passions, accept challenges, and push ourselves beyond our comfort zones.

So, to all my single ladies this Valentine, I raise my glass to you! Live life to the fullest, embrace who you are, and never underestimate the woman you are called to be. There’s so much more to life than lonely pity parties. And time well spent with someone else starts with loving YOU!