Baby #2 Diary: 1

If you ask me to describe my journey so far with baby #2, I'd reply, "The struggle has been real!" Because it really has! From symptoms to self care, nothing about this pregnancy has been the same as my first. 

The other day, I laid in bed and spent about 20 minutes being hard on myself for not being as present for this pregnancy as I was for Kalea's. After chatting with a few second time moms, I realized that I was not alone, and there isn't much out there (at least that I could find) to make us feel better about our what may seem to be "neglectful behavior." After a lot of thinking, I decided to shed some light on the topic and keep a diary of my journey in hopes that second (or third) time moms may find some relief. And, I also hope to empower some women to make the decisions they feel are best for them, not for others or because others told them otherwise. 

I'm currently at 30 weeks, but let's start with the first trimester!

FINDING A PRACTICE: I found out I was pregnant at about 8 weeks. When I called my primary OB, I found out that she was retiring and would not be available to assist with my birth this time around. She had been very supportive of my desire to do an unmedicated, natural birth with Kalea and had the lowest caesarean rate in the MD area at the time. So it goes without saying that I was heartbroken! That said, the hunt began for new options. 

I knew that I wanted personalized care for both me and my baby. After my experience with all the doctor interviews for baby #1, I knew it would be very hard for me to find that with an OBGYN practice. So I decided to visit a midwifery practice this time around, and it was the best decision I made to date!

WHAT ARE THESE SYMPTOMS??: While I did not experience nausea which is most common in first trimester, I had two of the weirdest symptoms ever!!! The first was 'ptyalism' (pronounced 'tie-al-ism'), which is excessive salivation. I lie to you not when I say I was spitting every 5 minutes into whatever I could find - trash can, sink, cup, spit bags in the car, etc. This was by far the most embarrassing symptom because at all hours of the day and night, my mouth was welling up with saliva and I could do absolutely nothing to control it. If I swallowed it, I felt like throwing up. 

The second weird symptom was excessive burping (usually referenced as indigestion, but the only symptom of indigestion I had was the burping). It didn't matter if I ate, didn't eat, drank water, didn't drink anything, I was constantly burping. Sometimes, it was unbearable to the point of gagging. Days like this I would tell my husband I wish I had nausea instead of these symptoms. Needless to say, I spent my first trimester and part of my second in hiding because I preferred the comfort of my home over "what's wrong with you?" looks from strangers. 

FEELING DISCONNECTED: The hardest part about this pregnancy has been the disconnect, which has led to many tearful nights. While my husband and I spent months talking and planning for a second child, I felt so disconnected from her. My husband picked up on it very quickly when he noticed I wasn't taking my prenatal vitamins for weeks and hadn't altered my diet to include more healthy options. 

The more I thought about it, the more I realized that the excitement of a first pregnancy didn't translate to the second. I knew what to expect this time around; I didn't have to spend hours doing all the research I had done the first time; and I was also putting all my energy into being a mother to Kalea. The mentality that "this isn't my first rodeo" caused me to remove myself from enjoying what was taking place inside me - a new life was forming!! 

This is where my husband stepped in to help me. He reminded me (and still does) that I'm on a beautiful journey. He prays and talks to the baby when I'm too tired. He makes the grocery runs and ensures my cooking options are healthy. He puts out my vitamins with a cup of water every night so I won't forget to take them, and plans walks with me and Kalea when the weather is nice out. I could go on! But what I'm trying to say is that having someone to support you and care for you during those moments of disconnect is key. I wouldn't have been able to get this far without him! 

Stay tuned, part 2 coming soon! In the meantime, for my mama's out there, what was your experience with your second? Did you face any challenges? What did you do to overcome them? I'd love to hear from you!!!