Love is Not Blind
Today, my husband and I are celebrating 7 years of marriage! Wow, how time flies!!! I have to admit, when I was younger, I never imagined you could stay in love with someone for so long. My parents’ marriage was very dysfunctional, and the ones around me just seemed to tolerate each other. My mother would always tell me, “I pray everyday that you and your sisters will never have to go through what I went through with your father.” Needless to say, I didn’t have a good example of what a healthy marriage looked like. In my book, the idea of a happy marriage was just that - an idea and nothing more. It was too far from realistic and it wasn’t something I aspired to have.
Until I fell in love :)
Then I started asking myself, “Can I see myself sharing the rest of my life with this person?” They say love is blind, but I’m going to have to disagree. Why, you ask?
Well, in the early stages of a relationship - the infatuation stage - our thoughts and emotions are haywire! It’s very easy to confuse our infatuation of the other for love. In this phase, the person we “love” is perfect and can do no wrong. We’re quick to forgive and fast to go out of our way to please them.
But when the infatuation stage is over and we begin to realize that the person we “love” has as much baggage (if not more!) as we do and is just as flawed (if not more!) as we are, things begin to get real. You’re no longer as easy to let them off the hook, and you certainly aren’t going out of your way for someone who you feel isn’t doing the same for you. This is when you hit the crossroads in your relationship. When you come face to face with your “love” and you’re both looking at each other for who you really are, you are faced with a decision: are we meant to be or do we end here?
The ones who choose to move forward and do so victoriously are those who’ve chosen the path of true love. When we truly love, we choose to see and accept the other for who he or she truly is. Love sees past physical attributes and falls into a deep gaze at the beauty of what is taking place underneath the surface. It enables us to look at the person we love and see a masterpiece in the place of their pain; we admire the strength that is formed from their story of brokenness; we note the character and courage they have built despite their downfalls and challenges; and we fall in love with the idea of our potential together, and all that we can accomplish as lifetime partners. Love enables us to see that our strengths are more powerful than our weaknesses, and that the mission that brings us together is more powerful than the trials that attempt to break us apart. There is nothing more clearer (not blinding) than this epiphany that gets us from just “I want to be with you” to “I can’t live without you.” And because of all this, we believe that we owe our partner everything we are - unadulterated, vulnerable, and whole - and that they owe us nothing.
You see, marriage is a mutual choice and understanding that you are committed to living your life selflessly for each other. That you are the “lucky one” to be married to such an amazing human being and you aren’t entitled to anything. So, if you’re both giving 100% of each other without any expectation of getting anything in return, well then, you’ve just taken the first step towards a happy marriage! Because you know that giving 100% of each other to each other means you are both well taken care of :)
Tomorrow, I’ll be sharing tips on habits that foster a happy marriage and what “100%” looks like. Stay tuned!